Even Pirate Captains Get The Blues
by The Autumn Witch
Summary: A few days in the life of isabela pirate captain extraordinaire. Warning, not for the faint of heart!
1. Chapter 1

Even Pirate Captains Get The Blues

Her mouth is liquid fire...it moves too fast...head spinning...got to get control.

My eyes open to her sea of amber hair covering my thighs...I can't breathe...her tongue moves on my sex and fire spills out of me as the waves finally start to build...my hands reach for something so hold on to...they find silken sheets...my throat is raw from breathing too fast...I am on fire...fire...fire...I want to scream but there is no breath...I want to her to stop but I beg her to continue...her mouth is a liquid inferno and my sex is weakening to her touch...this is not how it's suppose to be...I'm the strong one...but I am her plaything and she knows it...my breath is finally gone and the explosion hits but...but...right at that magic moment..right at the apex..right when I scream...right when my voice is begging for rest... her mouth becomes ice...the coldest...the fiercest ice...burning in the other direction..my vision goes grey and my soul hangs on eternity's edge...

Finally... I can breathe again...finally my body is my own...the waves ebb...the fire extinguished...I find my voice...my vision clears...I am in the real world again...I open my eyes and see her glowing amber eyes looking up at me from between my thighs...her grin perfectly evil...then as if on cue she blows the slightest rings of frost that gently land on my stomach giving me chills...

_Damn shagging a mage just fucking rocks! _

She crawls up next to me and I fall into her arms. Then she whispers..."My sweet, sweet Bella what would I do without you?"

Fear grips me. She is getting serious again. She is falling in love. Why can't she just enjoy the moment? Why can't we just enjoy the now? I'm not what she needs but I am too weak to say no. What little happiness I find now is in her arms...but I am not right for her. I love her too much to let her love me. But I am weak and I stay.

"Amber, we've talked about this." Is all I can say.

"Why do you have to be such a stick in the mud woman? The world won't come to an end if the mighty pirate captain Isabela actually committed herself to just one person." She replies.

"You know how my marriage went lover. I can't do that again." I say again for the thousandth time...the same old argument..or at least that's what I want her to think.

"But he was a man. You know I would never treat you that way." she honestly answers.

"Stop it or I will leave." I finally have to insist.

"Alright you win...again." She says as she snuggles closer and is soon fast asleep.

I listen to her breath and it calms me. It's hard to be calm these days. The Mages and the Templars always at it in Kirkwall and my lover is probably enemy number one.

I look around at her room. Several soft candles make her skin appear more golden than normal. Jeeeshhh...this room is bigger than my whole place. What I am doing her? I don't deserve this...well..yea I do!

I hear her servants Orana, Bodahn, and Sandal talking downstairs. I sometimes wonder if they listen to us in the bedroom. Orana always gives me the evil eye every time I see her but most Elves don't like me for some reason, other than Zevran that is! Why can't I fall asleep? I should be exhausted but I am full of energy. I wonder what she has to eat?

I slowly crawl out of bed and quietly put my clothes back on, weapons included. Right as I go to open the door she says, "Same time tomorrow?"

DAMN! Why can't I ever trick her?

"Sure lover..sure." I say as I return to kiss her on the forehead.

The first floor of her mansion is amazing. I feel so self-conscious as Orana glares at me while I eat some leftover chicken from our meal earlier. She didn't appreciate me opening another bottle of expensive wine either.

"Would you like a napkin perhaps?" Orana asks as I drink the wine straight from the bottle.

I wipe my mouth on my bare arm and reply, "Naw, I'm good." The look on her face is priceless! I laugh to myself.

Eventually I find myself in the cool night air. Freedom. It cools my nervousness from both Orana and Amber. Arrggg! Why did I have to fall in love?

Two pathetic thugs jump out from behind a corner in a poor attempt to attack me. My daggers are back in their sheathes before the thugs' heads hit the ground. Stupid amateurs.

I finally reach the Hanged Man Pub where my room is. I wonder if Varric is around. He is always good for a laugh.

The low hanging smoke and stench of stale beer is like exotic perfume to me, so different than the potpourri scented mansion. This is my Kirkwall home! Except for the open ocean there is no place I'd rather be...except...except curled up next to her. Why did I leave again?

I taka a place at the bar and make small talk with the barkeep. I don't see Varric perhaps he is already in his room. I think about going to mine but then I notice her.

Sitting alone in the shadows dressed in very expensive black armour she lurks. Whoever she is, she is way out of place here and she is pretending to not be observing me. This is trouble. I casually put my right hand on a hidden dagger. I keep relaxed I need her to make the first move.

Thirty minutes goes by and she is as still as a statue. She is doing the same thing I am. Now I am worried. She's good and she knows it. But I am Captain Isabela and this is MY place.

Slowly I turn to face her. I stare. She knows I know and her hand slowly goes to her sword but still unsheathed.

The space between us slowly empties and I quicker than lighting let loose a throwing dagger. She easily dodges it by rolling and landing on her feet, steely sword drawn. The pub starts to empty in a crush but no one dares come between us.

I pull my twin daggers out, they feel perfect in my hands. The only friends I have ever really counted on. This is going to be good!

She slowly steps closer. Who the hell is she?

"Hello sweetheart. You mind telling me why you are so eager to die?" I ask in full seduction mode.

She slowly smiles before answering, "We are all going to die _sweetheart_, though I highly doubt my death will be tonight you filthy whore."

Damn..sister's got issues but a surprisingly husky voice for such a slender woman. I wonder what she sounds like when she orgasms?

"That's nice and all love, but you still didn't answer my question." I purr out.

"Castilon" she grimly replies.

Ah shit. Not him again but we killed him ages ago. Then the pieces start to fall in place.

"Lover or daughter?" I ask.

"Wife." She replies.

"Ah...nothing personal darling but he tried to kill me and he was a slave runner. He brought upon himse..." before I can finish my sentence she charges and nearly catches me off guard. She is good!

I spin out of her path while simultaneously elbowing her in the kidney. Hearing her groan in pain makes me smile. Though I didn't appreciate her slicing my forearm as she went by. Just a scratch but Amber will be all up and in my business about leaving her place so late. Perfect.

Finally really serious, I spin and turn blocking her sword parry with one dagger while simultaneously running through her left thigh with my other. She stumbles in agony but manages to stay upright. Tough chicka.

"Look sister, I don't want to kill someone as talented as yourself so let's just stop and have a drink?" I sincerely ask.

I see her eyes tear up. She's hurting inside and out.

"You killed my husband. He was a great man." She bites back.

"And you seem like a great woman and there are so few of them in this world. Don't make me take you out... Please."

I see hesitance in her eyes. She's is considering it but her sword is still drawn. Goddess please let her take my offer.

She starts to move forward but stops and drops her sword to her side. She glares at me with venom before she speaks. "I'm so sorry but I hate you too much.."

Damn...I thought she was going to be different but as she charges me for the final time with a flick of my wrist her bowels find the floor and the pain finally leaves her eyes. As she fades out she mouths, "Thank you..."

I need a fucking drink.


	2. Chapter 2

"I am here to see Lady Manhands for the tenth time!" I yell at the silly guard who seems more interested in staring at my cleavage than actually helping me.

"Like I've said before...ahem..._Miss_...we have no one here by that name!" the poor guy is able to finally get out.

"I know she works here she is your BOSS!" I finally yell back nearly causing the poor guy to cringe.

"My boss? Do you mean Captain Aveline?" he replies really confused.

"Aveline...Lady Manhands...tomayto...tomaato whatever." I answer trying not to laugh.

It finally hits him that I am talking about Aveline and he tries not to smile at my nickname for her. Eventually he says, "Yea, she is up the stairs to the left."

"See love..that wasn't so hard was it? Oh wait" Looking at his crotch I say, "Or maybe it is?"

Clearly embarrassed he is now totally ignoring me. I laugh like hell as I walk up the stairs making sure to swing my hips just enough to make him blush...again.

Aveline is behind her desk, deep in thought, so she doesn't notice me when I walk in.

"AH! Lady Manhands!" I cheerfully say with maybe too much emphasis on the Manhands bit.

Without looking up from her desk she calmly replies, "I told you not to call me that whore."

"Oooo...we are touchy today eh?" I come right back ignoring her barb.

Deeply sighing and finally looking up she asks, "What do you want Isabela?"

"No you started it. Why so tense today?"

"Because your lover is cutting a path through Kirkwall that is so wide every time she steps out her front door I am getting complaints." she tersely replies.

"My lover? Oh Ave you know I only have eyes for you!" I say as swarthy as possible.

She literally shuddered and quickly replied, "Oh that's a frightening thought."

Like she could do better, I think before I finally get serious.

"Actually I wanted to talk to you about our trip up to Sundermount a few weeks back. When we went with Amber to drop off that doodad to the Eleven Heeper."

Shaking her head and laughing Aveline replies, "Its KEEPER you silly twat. Heeper? Really? That's what you though she was called? Really?"

She was obviously having way too much fun with this.

"Phhtt! Why I am supposed to keep track of these things? I'm not an Elf." I reply as dryly as possible.

"And you wonder why Elves don't like you. Anyway, yes I remember that day. What about it?" Aveline asks.

I feel myself blush a bit but I manage to ask, "You remember when we first met that crazy Elf chick Merrill?"

Blinking at me she replies, "Sure and?"

I am having a hard time talking now...I don't know why. I have to clear my head before I continue. Finally, I softly ask, "Was there some type of chemistry going on between her and Amber?"

Cocking her head at me in understanding she replies, "Merrill and Amber? No way! Amber is totally smitten by you for some unexplainable, illogical, unfathomable reason."

Surprisingly I had been holding my breath waiting for her answer. I close my eyes for a moment before speaking again, "Well...not that it matters or anything. I was just curious."

"Uh-huh." She curtly replies.

"Well then I suppose I should be going then." I say looking for an easy escape route.

"Hmm..yes..yes you should." Lady Manhands pipes back completely un-amused.

I walk over to Amber's house but she was out on business or at least that is what Orana said between disapproving glares. I can't help but laugh to myself knowing how much I annoy her.

So I decide to go catch up with Varric at the Hanged Man.

I enter the pub and it takes a few minutes for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. I see Varric setting at a booth all alone. Whoot! I practically run to his booth and am soon across from him.

"So how is my favourite hairy-chested Dwarf doing today?" I ask with a grin.

"Oh I can't complain. You just missed Amber by the way she was here less than ten minutes ago. Can you believe she found my family's signet ring at a dealer here in Lowtown and then she actually bought for me as a gift?" he cheerfully replied.

"Sounds like something she would do. She actually found a ship in a bottle for me the other day. It's really cute." I replied.

"Yea? Hmmm...I swear she treats getting gifts for her friends like some type of personal quest or something." Varric quickly retorts.

"Funny how that is huh?" Is all I can come up with.

We make small talk for an hour and so and I notice the weird little elf Merrill come in. She looks over at us and Varric invites her over...swell.

"Daisy! How are you today?" Varric enthusiastically quips.

Daisy? I think to myself. Must be one of Varric's pet names. The shy Elf decides to sit on my side of the booth. Her woody perfume catches my attention. She is so small. I'd break her if we ever...whoa! What the hell am I thinking!

"Hi Varric! Hi Isabella! I'm so happy you both are here!" Merrill squeals.

Varric and I stare at her waiting for her to explain why she was happy we were there but she just looks at us as if she was waiting for us to do a Orlesian jig or something.

"So Merrill, how are you finding it in Kirkwall?" I ask just to break the silence.

"It's so confusing and so big! Sometimes I get lost for hours!" she quickly replies.

"But I gave you that string Daisy? Doesn't that help?" Varric asks.

Looking mousy Merrill replies, "I forget to bring it sometimes and even when I do it gets all crisscrossed and I end up wasting time trying to get all the knots out." she answered.

Oh brother...we are clearly dealing with a genius here but she is kind of cute. Her pretty green eyes can be quite inviting when she isn't looking bat-shit crazy. I then notice her top is cut lower than usual and I catch myself checking out her cleavage. What the hell?

With a bit of noise we all notice Amber come in the door. Oh shit...this ought to be good.

Amber first notices me which of course makes me smile despite myself. Then her eyes drift to Merrill sitting next to me and a quick shot of annoyance flashes across her face then quickly back to normal. She takes a seat next to Varric.

As soon as she sits she speaks to me, "Hi lover.." Then she stretches over the table to give me a quick kiss. My god she is marking her territory.

"Hi lover." I reply. Varric is usually quiet. Maybe he wants to avoid a possible cat fight. Smart lad.

Merrill cuts in, "Um maybe I should go?"

Surprisingly before Varric or I can answer, Amber quickly says, "No! I mean...um..no, stay a while we haven't got to talk much since you moved here."

Merrill blushes and squirms. Amber pretends not to notice. My pulse slightly increases.

"So how about those Templars?" Varric cuts in.

We all look at each other and laugh breaking the previous thick tension. After an hour or so of polite conversation we decide to order something to eat, which at the Hanged Man means vegetable stew or grey mystery meat stew. We went with the vegetable stew.

I can't help but notice Merrill eating like she is starved then it hits me she might be having a hard time affording food now. It makes me a bit sad.

Eventually we finish eating and Amber and I decide it's time to go back to her place. As we are saying our goodbyes, I notice when Merrill and Amber exchange a small hug, Amber places a few gold pieces in her hand. It annoys me for some reason then I feel a bit embarrassed after all _I_ am the one going home with Amber and Merrill really needs the dosh. Still...still...I'm quiet the whole way to Amber's place but more strangely...so is Amber.


	3. Chapter 3

I love how her hot plump breasts feel when pressed upon my back and when her soft but firm arm around my waist pulls me closer. She always has to touch me when we sleep together like she is afraid I will leave. I feel at ease..calm...loved.

She tosses and turns tonight. The weight of the Templar problem is troubling her. She feels responsible for protecting everyone. She holds the world on her shoulders but to me she is more than the world. And it breaks my heart that I will never be able to tell her how much I love her. She is meant for great things and...and...I am not.

Don't get me wrong I don't feel sorry for myself I just know what I want in life and that's freedom. No matter what happens to Amber she is meant for greatness. We all know it. It's just a matter of time. But until then at least, I will share her bed.

"Ummm" she wakes with a cute whimper.

"Shhhh... Go back to sleep love I am still here." I say to reassure her.

"Oh good...please stay tonight..." she replies as she falls back to sleep.

I've never stayed the whole night. It's too symbolic. It's too meaningful. It's too confining. What is wrong with me? Why can't I just give myself to this one? There is something way back, hidden in my self-consciousness that just knows it's not right but damn it! Why not?

Right before dawn I leave with a quick kiss and snuggle. It was the latest I ever stayed. Perhaps...perhaps...if I take this slowly I will be able to give in and stay till morning. I hope so. I really do.

On my way back to Lowtown the sun rises and Kirkwall starts to rise. The sweet, scent of bread cooking in the bakeries make my stomach growl. I should have ate at Ambers but I wasn't in the mood for Orana.

As I am walking down the stairs into Lowtown I see Merrill at a merchant stall. She is arguing with the purveyor. Despite my misgivings about Merrill I decide to investigate.

"Hey Kitten, what's going on?" I say to Merrill.

Frustrated and nearly crying she replies, "This human won't give me my change."

Glaring at the grain merchant with one of my most un-amused looks he quickly says, "You know what? Why don't we make it on the house today?" Then he quickly gave back Merrill all her money.

Merrill smiles at me in return and I find my heart fluttering a bit. She has a lovely smile. She really is someone you want to take care of and tell them it will all be ok. And then right there I knew what I had to do.

"So Kitten anytime you have a problem like that just come tell me or Varric and we will get it all sorted out. Don't let it stress you, all the merchants down here are crooks anyway." I say smiling back.

"Thank you. You seem to be up early today?" Merrill asks.

"Oh I am just coming from Amber's. I usually sleep there." I answer.

"Oh...ok." Merrill replies and looks down at the ground in embarrassment.

I can't but help giggle at her awkwardness.

As we stroll around Lowtown we make small talk but I decide to get more personal.

"So have you ever had a lover Merrill?" I ask.

Her face goes beet red. I do my best not to laugh.

Surprisingly she answers, "Well there was this one woman named Gallia but it didn't work out. But it was nice while it lasted."

I stopped in my tracks. "Wait! You don't mean Gallia the Mage Elf, the Hero of Ferelden do you?"

Merrill blushes even deeper.

"Yes that was her but to be fair I didn't know that's who she was. She was travelling covertly on a mission. I didn't find out until near the end of the relationship." she answers.

Holy mother! This unassuming, creepy elf slept with the Hero of Ferelden? Son of a bitch!

It took me a few moments to find my voice again.

"So what do you think of Amber?" I ask.

Confused she looks up at me and answers, "Aren't you two seeing each other?"

"Well yea...though I am just curious as you, as a woman who likes other women, what you think of Amber, that's all." I reply.

Trying to read my real intentions she remains quiet.

"Honestly Kitten, I'm just curious." I reassure here.

"Well...she is rather pretty and brave and well..AMAZING." Merrill finally answers with wide eyed enthusiasm.

I smile to myself. Yes she is, yes she is.

"Why don't you ever visit her?" I ask.

"Two reasons, one she visits me now and again and I can't find her house in Hightown." she answers in a near whisper.

This was news to me. Amber has never once mentioned visiting her... hmm.

We continued to make small talk for the rest of the morning until she finally had to go home and water her plants or some other faffy Elf thing she had to do.

I found myself back at the Hanged Man. I was in search of Varric who I found in his suite.

After I quick hug I ask, "We still got that job tonight?"

"Yes ma'am! A whole chest of gold just waiting to be dug up." He cheerfully answers.

"Who else is going?"

"Just you and I sweetheart...oh and Bianca of course." he says referring to the name of his auto firing crossbow. Honestly, who calls a cross bow Bianca? Men..phht...wouldn't surprise me if they named their sex after women. Bunch of testosterone filled, hairy dolts who try to fuck anything with a hole. Why I am suddenly randy?

"I am still spitting sand out, VARRIC!. I still have sand in my crotch, VARRIC!" I mercilessly yell at him as we walk back from out night out treasure hunting.

"How was I supposed to know it was buried that deep?" he replied trying not to laugh at my predicament.

"It was YOUR bloody treasure map!" I quickly answer.

"Ahh..just think of it as a shallow cave then?" he quips back. He also managed to duck out of the way of my fist that was about to impart itself on his pointy head. ARRRGGGG! I hate sand!

"That's not god damn funny Varric. I didn't see you down there!" I bark

"Well I had to hold the rope, remember?" he immediately comes back with.

"There was a fucking tree three feet away VARRIC! You could have tied the rope to the tree and came down to help me?" I reply as snarky as possible.

"Naw that never would have worked." He replied as if it was written in stone.

"What? Why would it not have worked? The rope was plenty strong enough." I ask.

Without hesitating an instant he comes back with, "Well...because if I did go with you, I'd now be covered in sand too! I really hate the stuff."

I scream out of frustration!

"That's it you smug, knee-high, nug-humper! I am going to kick your arse!" I yell as I start to chase him. The little bugger runs fast, even when he is belly laughing, and is soon out of my reach. Albeit with sand trying to force itself up every orifice that I have, running wasn't a smart idea anyway.

I really needed a bath so I make my way to Amber's house and am soon neck high in bubbly, sweet smelling, hot water.

Perched on the edge of the tub Amber looks down at me.

"Do I even want to know how you got so covered in sand?" she asks as politely as possible.

I remain steadfast in my silence.

"Perhaps another one of Varric's treasure hunts?" she asks.

"I really hate that man sometimes." I pout.

"Oh sweetie you just keep falling for those. He is probably down at the pub bragging about it right now." Amber replied.

I glared at her. It didn't work she just giggled. I suppose glaring at someone while submerged in a bubble bath isn't too threatening.

"I tell you what lover, take your time getting all clean and sorted and I will give you a nice massage when you're done?" Amber sweetly asks.

I finally smile. A massage would be heaven especially with those hot and cold hand of hers.

As I get out of the tub I notice all the sand on the floor. There was also a little path of sand from the tub to Amber's bedroom door. Orana is going to be glaring at me for a month non-stop.

The soft rug in Amber's room felt great on my feet and the instant I got to the bed I fell face forward in one big plop right in the middle of the giant mattress. I was so looking forward to a massage.

Within seconds, Amber was straddling my back with her bare thighs and I felt some hot oil land in the middle of my shoulder blades. She slowly started with my neck and gradually worked down to each arm including each finger.

She now was focusing on my back in general and her hot hands felt so good. It was all I could do to stay awake. By the time she got to my lower back, sleep was bitch slapping me in the face. By the time she got to my legs I was barely conscious. However, when she got to my feet I was wide awake because she knows damn well they are ticklish but she did them away, even between me screaming like a wild banshee for her to stop. Bitch!

She gently flipped me over to do the my front but...well let's just say once she got view of my front things got serious and sensuous for a few hours and then we were both soon sleeping like the dead.

Ah...life is good!


	4. Chapter 4

I have a plan. Not sure if I really want to go through with it BUT I do have a plan. Does it make me happy..yes..no...hell no. But is it the right thing to do...yes.

It took me all day to buy enough food for three people and by the time I got to Amber's house my arms were full. So when Orana answered the door I dumped the whole lot on the floor.

"Are you Ms. Hawke's delivery girl now too?" Orana asked with a sneer.

"No you faffy Elf, I dropped it because is was too heavy. Instead of glaring at me why not help me pick it all up?" I ask the snooty, little bitch.

The two of us were able to take all the food to the kitchen pretty quickly. Then I ran up the stairs to see Amber. On the way up I admired the naughty drawing that I had carved into her highly polished banister. She yelled at me for a month for that one!

Amber was just getting dressed for the day.

"Hey lover!" I said as I gave her a big hug.

"Are you sick?" she asked right back.

"What?" is all I can come back with.

"Well it's still morning and you actually came for a visit. You must be on death's bed or owe someone a lot of dosh?" she teasingly replied.

"Yea, you're real funny Missy Mage!" I quickly reply while tickling her sides.

"Actually, if you must know, I went out and got some stuff for dinner. I want you to cook for me tonight and a special guest." I say with an evil grin.

"What? Me cook?" she replies.

"Give it up Amber everyone knows you can cook really well. That's one of the ways you first seduced me, by cooking me a nice romantic dinner." I push back at her.

Rubbing her temple in annoyance she spoke, "Ok, ok..whatever. Who is coming over besides you? Varric?"

"It's a surprise dear. Just humour me please?" I ask as sensually as possible.

"Fine, you know I can't say no to you." She finally gives in.

As she had to go to several meetings that day I soon found my way over in the Elven Alienage. Jessshhhh...this place makes Lowtown look positively, sparkly clean. How do they live down here?

Now I just had to find out where this Merrill chick lived. After asking a few Elves who seemed to be afraid of me for some reason and who were also no help at all, I eventually found one that I knew. It was that Arianni woman who we helped rescue her son from the Fade. After a few minutes of inane, polite conversation she pointed me towards Merrill's place.

I had to knock on the door three times before the mousy, little Elf opened the door.

"Isabela! She answered a bit too enthusiastically for me.

"Do you have a few minutes Merrill? I'd like to ask something?" I replied.

"Sure, sure but please don't judge me on my house it's quite a mess at the moment.

I found her comment fairly ironic because it was stunningly clean on the inside. A few simple paintings and many house plants were the main adornments but she had a few books and one really scary looking mirror as well. Orana would love this place...nothing for her to clean.

I took a seat on one of her dining room chairs. She seemed to be following my every movement, spooky,

"So Kitten, do you have any plans tonight?" I ask.

"Hmm nothing important. I had just planned on reading to be honest." she answered.

"Well Amber is making a big dinner tonight and wanted to know if you could join us?"

"Me? In Amber's mansion? I'm not sure that's a good idea." she replies.

"Ahh Kitten give you self some credit, besides, she will be so disappointed if you are not there." I quip.

Trying to stifle a smile and blush she finally gives in, "Ok. What time?"

"Right about sunset will work." I reply.

"I'll be there." Merrill confirms.

I was about to leave then turned back and said, "You might want to dress up a little if you can. Something formfitting always looks good on you Kitten."

I also handed her a map.

Nodding her head but with a confused look, she indicated she understood.

Now all I had to do was wait.

_Nine Hours Later_

As the sun lowered in the sky I started to get nervous. I actually had to get a few drinks to calm my nerves. Nothing but doubt and sadness seemed to fill my head. Why was I doing this again?

It took me all my stealth ability but I was able to sneak up to Amber's mansion's side windows that looked down into both the dining and living rooms. If my feeling was correct, they would be spending time in both rooms.

The sun started its trip past the horizon and sure enough Merrill shows up. She knocks on the door and I see Orana bring her in to Amber. The Mages exchange a quick hug and Merrill's eyes never leave Amber, as if she is the only woman in the world.

Amber looks annoyingly at the door, no doubt angry that I am not there yet. Thirty minutes goes by and Amber just shrugs her shoulders and places the prepared food on the table.

The two of them eat a long dinner with many shared laughs and lingering glances. Merrill helps clear the table and even Orana smiles at her assistance with the dishes. What am I doing?

Merrill and my lover move to the main room in front of the giant fire place. They make small talk for a while. Amber digs through her pockets and finds a small, wrapped gift and presents it to Merrill. It was obviously that Eleven ring Amber found in one of our last adventures.

Merrill's tiny hands shake as she opens it. Once she sees it she looks at Amber then at the ground, clearly moved by the gift. Amber steps forward and gently pulls Merrill's face up to face her. They exchange a few words and both step closer and then, as my heart starts to break, their lips meet.

Their first kiss isn't passionate or overwhelming but its soft...genuine...real. It's gentle and respectful...loving...tender, each finding out how they work together moment by moment. But as they continue, the embers ignite..the fire starts...love grows and they soon pull each other tighter in passionate embrace and their breathing becomes harsh and hungry...and then magically..as if by the gods..they breath as one. Their knees weaken and I sadly know what's coming next.

Suddenly but as gentle as holding a new born, in one swift move, Amber lifts Merrill off her feet and into her arms. She carries the now joyously happy Elf upstairs where they are finally out of my view. But I know where they are...where I was just twelve or so hours earlier. I rest my forehead on the window and I soon hear my own tears striking the window glass like a gentle, summer rain. I feel sick and I have to be somewhere else.

I stagger through Hightown insulting anyone who gets in my way. I stop several times to throw-up. Blessed Andraste what have I done? I just let the woman I love more than life itself love someone else. What have I done? It hurts so much worse than I expected. Freedom doesn't suppose to feel like this.

A hour later I fall through the door of the Hanged Man. I'm not drunk, I just can't stop the pain. What have I done? Please stop the pain!

I try to focus, I feel blind but eventually find Varric's suite but its full of his friends but the instant he sees me he yells for all his friends to leave. It was the first time I ever heard him yell like that.

I try to talk but there are no words. My mouth opens...I can't bring myself to say her name. I just cry like a hurt child. He opens his arms in a hug and I go to him and bury my head on his warm chest. I close my eyes and let it all out. What have I done? Please...please...let this be a nightmare. Let me wake in her arms...I promise I will stay all night.

Time loses its meaning and have no idea how long I had been there when I am finally able to open my eyes but by the look of his soggy chest hairs I must have been there quite while.

Somehow during my crying jag we ended up on his bed so I sat up so take stock of the situation. Varric, bless him, was still awake looking at me but asking no questions.

"I'm sorry" I manage to eek out.

"No worries Isabela. That's what friends are for." he replies as gently as possible.

"What time is it?" I ask.

"Just now morning." he answers.

God, I cried all night and the irony that I was able to stay with Varric all night was not lost on me. My stomach was in knots and my head was banging like a drum.

"Varric, I've done something really bad but I had to do it." I say with a scratchy voice.

"Whatever you did I am sure you did it for the right reasons." he replied.

"Yea I guess but I am going to question this the rest if my life."

"Isabela you have so many people who love you so no matter what happed, nothing will change that. You just have to let us help." Varric retorted.

"That's nice..thank you." I replied to Varric but all I could think of was those two up in that warm, inviting bed that I had been sharing for the past year.

"Is there anything I can do?" he asked.

"No, no I guess sometimes even pirate captains get the blues." I answer.

I leave his room and soon find myself in my own room in the Hanged Man. As I walk closer to my bed I see a parchment laying on my bed. I pick it up, it's in Amber's handwriting and my hands tremble.

_My Dearest Bella, _

_ I don't know why you did it. I don't know why you wanted it. I could have been happy with us but I know all too well that all I did was take your freedom away day by day. I still love you and I always will but I understand your reasons. Just know you will always be special to me and are welcome in my life if you so choose. _

_ Take care and please don't think bad of Merrill. She feels so guilty already._

_ Love and Kisses,_

_ Amber_

_PS: I hope you find the second page of this scroll something conducive to your freedom. I was going to give it to you as a birthday gift but I feel it's more appropriate now. When you feel the sea breeze on your face remember me...no...remember us._

I flip over the scroll to the next page. I immediately start crying again when I realise what it is. My hands shake even more as I looked down upon a deed to a two-hundred-fifty sea schooner. It's named "Freedom's Chance".

I pulled the letter close to my heart, laid down on my bed and curled up. All I could think while I fell to sleep was, I wish I could take it all back but such happiness is not meant for women like me. At least I got to taste it for a year...it will always hurt though...I will stay the night if you want...

_Finis_


End file.
